i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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