2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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