That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
