I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
