I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
