even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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