Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
