Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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