cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
