I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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