I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
