It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
