Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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