Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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