I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
