Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
