Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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