im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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