Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
