I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
