I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
