at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
