First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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