i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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