I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize