i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I want is dick and wine.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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