i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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