you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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