i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize