after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
even my farts smell like vagina
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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