Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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