the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
