ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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