there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
