I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
