thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
