Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize