Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
