hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize