Tell her she can't have a vagina
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
