You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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