how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
