Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
