shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
