i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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