Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
