And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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