i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
