Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
