im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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