Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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