He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
