As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
