you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
