She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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