Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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