dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
