I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
