just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
