So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
