Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
