2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
