Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
