Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize