she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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