In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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