i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
