i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
