My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize