i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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